Girls & their things for “bad boys”

What is it with girls and having a thing for liking bad boys? WHY WHY WHY????

Is it that you hope he might become a “good boy” just for you?

Is it that you like living on the edge of uncertainty because he cant keep a good job, he can’t keep out of trouble and he cant keep it in his pants that makes you crave him?

Is it the chance that he might be violent and beat you up?

Is it that the thought of him changes, maybe the uncertainty or the violence turns you on?

I’ve had enough of this girls wanting a “bad boy”, its absolute bullshit. If you as a female wish’s to have a bad boy then don’t let me stop you. But when it all turns to shit and your left heart broken on the side of the road, maybe even knocked up and bruised, don’t expect me to be sympathetic.

I tried to be the “good guy” you could want and respect, but that wasn’t living on the edge enough for you, so now you can stay living on the edge with unstable, in-trouble-with-the-law, unfaithful boyfriends while I carry on in my pursuit of happiness.

I want to be the stable, faithful, loving, gentle, caring guy that you can look at and say that I’m  your boyfriend and I treat you well. I want a women that will do the same, not a girl a women.

I want a women who I will pour all my spare time and energy into loving and that I’ll actually get it returned.

The superstitious argument that you can’t control how you feel about people is bullshit. You can love whatever you set your heart to loving, you can forgive whatever you are willing to forgive, but you cant do it whilst your tied up in trying to make it worth with your “bad boy” that isn’t worth your time.

Take note on how you call him a “boy”, cause obviously he hasn’t reached the intelligence and integrity level where he can be called a man.

“We need to talk….”

The scariest sentence in my world, and probably yours too. When you hear from your significant other that “we need to talk” your mind goes on a roller coaster of emotions, like have they discovered a big secret of mine (that I shouldnt of been keeping anyway), have they lost interest, have they decided its too hard, its time to move on, they want to move forward in your relationship, they want to go back to just friends. they think im cheating?…

Ermmm its really 4 words that cause a significant amount of anxiety.

But why? is it because when this has been said to me in the past theres always been a negative that has followed? Is it because I always follow these words with a negative? I’ve had these 4 words said to me tonight, and although I try to hang onto a positive to follow my mind is naturally thinking towards a negative.

I know there’s all sorts of though process’s to go with this to assist with rational thinking, like asking yourself, does she have a negative to talk to you about? Have I done the best I can? Have I done something to give her a negative? Is it fair of me to worry about this?

Despite going through the rational thought process, fuck, I’m still scared!

A Confession

Dear Reader,

I’m not who people think I am. I lie, I steal, I cheat.

I’m not the loyal boyfriend my girlfriend thinks I am. I fail her time and time again by hiding my relationship or ignoring it.

I’m not the faithful genius my boss trusts me to be. I’m a criminal mastermind who finds ways to steal and cheat him out of equipment and money.

I’m not the Christian my family believe me to be. I swear and I mislead people and take the mickey out of their religion.

I’m not proud of who I am, I dream of what I could become if I made a little effort but never motivate myself to act.

I never thought I could do theatre, but for 2 years now I have been acting every day and failing the people who matter to me.

Tonight I write this scared of committing to changing myself, scared of failing, scared of coming out with the truth but I can’t go on like this. I can’t keep hurting people and feeding my criminal mind.