Tinder.

Tonight’s update is from mobile so please excuse mis-spells, wrong words etc.

I travel allot with my job and to be honest when I’m alone in unfamiliar places I find myself on tinder. What for? I have no idea, the reality of my job is that I arrive somewhere, i eat dinner and then i go to bed, next day, i get up, i do my job and drive home. I’m never actually stopped in any town long enough or ever have enough free time to meet someone I’d meet on Tinder. So what is the point of using tinder if this is the case?

To be honest I don’t know, and in reality what if tinder? To me it’s a speed dating app where you never actually get to the first date. More often than not I find i use tinder when laying in bed before i close my eyes to sleep.

I find myself laying in bed, looking at all the beautiful (and not so beautiful) women on tinder one by one and as i swipe my way through them in my head i say fail when i swipe left and pass as i swipe right.

To me tinder has become eye candy before i go to sleep at night where if i like the way someone looks i swipe right for the remote chance that they might swipe Right soon enough (before i leave for another city) so i can talk to the girl who has achieved the “pass” mark.

In reality tinder is contributing to the modern culture of judging potential suitors solely on looks. There is no longer a ‘this person sounds interesting let’s see if we get along’ visual attraction does play a vital part in successful relationships, however if you are attracted to someone on a much deeper level than visual, on a more social level then visual attraction can be a by-product off that.

So the big question tonight… Is tinder having an effect on how we pick our potential suitors? I say yes, it’s making something that use to happen on a social level into a pass or fail test, where you fail if your not photogenic and you pass if your good with Photoshop.

Preparing ourselves for a Relationship.

“I dropped the question to my family, How do I know if a girl is interested in me? My brother-in-law responded with the questions; What am I looking for in a woman and What do I have to offer a women.”

Am I destined to be alone?

Today I take a look at what I do to cope with the feeling of being alone and rejected by the person I would love most of all to be with.

Girls & their things for “bad boys”

What is it with girls and having a thing for liking bad boys? WHY WHY WHY????

Is it that you hope he might become a “good boy” just for you?

Is it that you like living on the edge of uncertainty because he cant keep a good job, he can’t keep out of trouble and he cant keep it in his pants that makes you crave him?

Is it the chance that he might be violent and beat you up?

Is it that the thought of him changes, maybe the uncertainty or the violence turns you on?

I’ve had enough of this girls wanting a “bad boy”, its absolute bullshit. If you as a female wish’s to have a bad boy then don’t let me stop you. But when it all turns to shit and your left heart broken on the side of the road, maybe even knocked up and bruised, don’t expect me to be sympathetic.

I tried to be the “good guy” you could want and respect, but that wasn’t living on the edge enough for you, so now you can stay living on the edge with unstable, in-trouble-with-the-law, unfaithful boyfriends while I carry on in my pursuit of happiness.

I want to be the stable, faithful, loving, gentle, caring guy that you can look at and say that I’m  your boyfriend and I treat you well. I want a women that will do the same, not a girl a women.

I want a women who I will pour all my spare time and energy into loving and that I’ll actually get it returned.

The superstitious argument that you can’t control how you feel about people is bullshit. You can love whatever you set your heart to loving, you can forgive whatever you are willing to forgive, but you cant do it whilst your tied up in trying to make it worth with your “bad boy” that isn’t worth your time.

Take note on how you call him a “boy”, cause obviously he hasn’t reached the intelligence and integrity level where he can be called a man.

“We need to talk….”

The scariest sentence in my world, and probably yours too. When you hear from your significant other that “we need to talk” your mind goes on a roller coaster of emotions, like have they discovered a big secret of mine (that I shouldnt of been keeping anyway), have they lost interest, have they decided its too hard, its time to move on, they want to move forward in your relationship, they want to go back to just friends. they think im cheating?…

Ermmm its really 4 words that cause a significant amount of anxiety.

But why? is it because when this has been said to me in the past theres always been a negative that has followed? Is it because I always follow these words with a negative? I’ve had these 4 words said to me tonight, and although I try to hang onto a positive to follow my mind is naturally thinking towards a negative.

I know there’s all sorts of though process’s to go with this to assist with rational thinking, like asking yourself, does she have a negative to talk to you about? Have I done the best I can? Have I done something to give her a negative? Is it fair of me to worry about this?

Despite going through the rational thought process, fuck, I’m still scared!

1 Guy, 1 Girlfriend and ermmm… 1 More girl….

I’ve pushed myself into a predicament. 1 Girlfriend, 1 Girl, I like them both, the girlfriend is great to me and deserves more love than I can give her, I care about her. The girl, well I find her attractive, the thought of being with her makes me excited but anxious. Thinking about her turns me on, talking to her makes me want her but I couldn’t date her.

I want one night, just one night with this girl, but is it worth sacrificing a girlfriend for one night? Could this 1 Girl be worth it? might it become more?

Relationships and being young is hard, its the time when you start a journey to discovering who you are. What you are and where you came from.

You go through school with them telling you they’re getting you ready for the next stage of life, but this is one stage school wont prepare you for. Real emotion, real feelings, the need for companionship and the need to be surrounded by people who love you and you love back.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m destined to be a man with no sense of emotional feelings, surely it would be easier than feeling the way I do sometimes, the guilt, the excitement, the lust, the sadness, the anger and so fourth.

Relationship Lesson’s from the Cat

I shower, I turn off the taps and head to my room and dress. On my bed awaits my cat, happy and excited to see me. I pat her, grab my laptop and head outside to start writing, she follows jumping into my lap.

She loves me, she wants to spend time with me, she wants to cuddle up to me. She makes an effort to see me.

That’s lesson one, make an effort.

I work long hours, I come home at all sorts of unruly hours, and who comes running to my bed to curl up next to me, my cat.

That’s lesson 2, She’s always excited to see me no matter what the time.

I trip over her and stomp on her paw, she comes right back to cuddle, yet another lesson, forgive quickly and without conditions.

I sit at the table writing this post, she hasnt seen me for a whole day due to work commitments, she walks al over the keyboard and headbutts my arms, there we go again, put the electronics away and make an effort to spend time.

Now I wonder how my relationship with my girlfriend would be if I take a page out of my cats book, if I listened to what my cat had to say to me… I’ll let you know in a week or so, my relationship is long distance, but for a week I’m going to commit to trying these things and see what happens.

Life Changing Experiences

Having grown up in a christian home, I tend to have a natural bios towards the christian church, however in all honesty I find it boring! Low Key, and like a funeral more than a celebration of Christ. There is only a few church’s where I can go on a Sunday and feel like I am celebrating something great rather than morning the death of a great man.

Going to these low key church’s has always had a tendency to put me off church for a while, going to the upbeat ones really refresh’s my faith, my love and my passion for Christ.

Aside from this, In church’s that I have been able to find a spiritual home in, I have also been able to find some great women who I can look at as the future lady. But there’s always one in each of these church’s that stands out to me. I find a women who is well established in Christ attractive. So, I could go to all the church’s which I feel at home in which would then suggest I am attracted to a lot of women, or I could find a spiritual home as Christ wants us to. The church is suppose to be our spiritual home, and even more a church we regularly attend.

I think part of this is, that God wants us to find a spiritual home, and he wants to give each and every individual one of us guys, a Godly women, but only when we prove ourselves as a Godly man.

I also know from experience that as humans, if we aren’t right with God, he will make building a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, very difficult. He wants us to be right with him before he will put us right with a partner of the opposite sex.

Selfish God? Or just plain high expectation? Or is it just an almighty and all powerful savior keeping watch over us?

Porn Battles

It’s been a while since I’ve been online, what can I say, things have been absolutely hectic! But something I really want to talk about is the concept of worshipping meaningless material.

Porn has, for the last 5 or 6 years been something I have struggled with, for a while I managed to clean myself up and sort it out, but I keep falling back into it. It’s an addiction and a habit.

I love pulling out my old laptop and seeing what new videos are on the internet, but I have also loved women whilst I still had love for porn. 

The problem with me having porn in my life, is not that its disgusting, its the effect it has on me in my day to day life. Because I love and give some of my time to porn, it takes time away from her that I could be spending with her.

Aside from the obvious one here are some questions “wise” people would ask you if you mentioned this habit to them:

• Why should see have to compete with the material You look at online?
• What gives You the desire to look at the material?
• Why can’t you stop? 

So how bout the general answers that are quick and easy to come to mind, 1) She wouldnt have to compete if she gave me some, 2) The desire would be gone if she would sleep with me and 3) It feels too damn good.

But what about the honest answers that we don’t want to say? What would they be? These would be my answers:

1. She shouldn’t have to compete, But I don’t actually have enough respect for her to kick the habit
2. I’m hooked, the feeling of release I get from watching this material is satisfying on the surface
3. I can’t stop because I don’t want to stop. If I really wanted to stop I would find a way.

It’s a subject that is so often overlooked, guys hide it and girls often hate it, or start to accept it as “what guys do”. But, Guys, Don’t hide it, talk to the special someone about if you struggle and let them help you get out of it. Girls, Don’t accept it, don’t say it’s OK, Your relationship with that guy could be so much stronger if he had the extra hormone drive to impress you and respect you.

It’s a topic I don’t really know how to approach, but that my thoughts on it (tonight anyway) and I’m sure its something that reaistically needs some time and thought put into discussing, not just a quick punch out on the keyboard

 

Txting

Txting. One of the most common forms of communication now, and probably the most common way you stay in touch with a significant other.

I’ve been thinking today how easy it is to flick a txt to a loved one, and it lets them know ‘hey, I’m thinking about you, your on my mind’, and we can receive txts that make us smile, txt someone into the early hours of the morning some of the sweetest things. And we love that, but what about the down side of txting? Have you ever thought of the possibility txting can screw a relationship over?

Here’s what comes to mind as the downside of txting for me:

• No visual emotion or tone of voice is expressed so things arent always interpreted correctly.
• Auto Correct. We’ve all seen the famous iphone auto correct muckups on facebook
• It’s so easy for the other person to reply without thinking or let someone else reply
• Txting can be annoying but people will reply just because they don’t want to upset you

Apart from the downside there is also upsides…

• You can blame wrong things or sick things on autocorrect or big thumbs
• You can go back and look at what you’ve talked about and smile over it again
• It’s cheap and fast
• It’s an easy way to keep in touch during a busy day.

So is txting beneficial or a curse to relationships? Is txting really as fantastic as we make it out to be?